In the following days my heart was burning with the sting of rejection. No one could give me enough love & attention to ease the pain. I sat bitter listening to others speak of their "hard" life...insert 'tough classes, roommate problems, or simply having a bad day.' I was angry. Not just angry, but seething with anger at almost everyone.
When your soul has gone through pain or rejection by a trusted friend or loved one, you begin to take on the flesh of an abused animal by biting at anyone trying to extend a hand. Even the loving ones.
That's how bad I hurt. I wanted everyone in my pathway to know exactly what pain felt like. I wanted to communicate the deep loss going on inside, which was rooted from a father who broke promise after promise.
Yet, a war was waging inside.
Part of me wanted to truly let it all out. The sloppy nose, dripping tears, and guttural moans of a broken heart. And I honestly thought I was communicating that to my friends.
But, when I look back now with my mended heart, I can see a girl offering up only a glimpse of the shattered mess. I can see a girl who thought she was being "open," "honest," "vulnerable," & "real." Except, in reality, she was telling the story, while backing out the door with a knife waving for her defense...in case they got too close.
How could I allow people in when the liability of being rejected & hurt was far too great?
A heart guarded & padded continued to receive "we regretfully declines, but here's a check" in the mail & wished they sent nothing at all.
Continue Reading on Father Wounds Lay Deep: Part Four
One Year Ago: One Year, A Give Away & Discovering My Daughter
Two Years Ago: Shalom for Supermom