Father Wounds Lay Deep (Part Three)

You can find Father Wounds Lay Deep Part One Here & Part Two Here

In the following days my heart was burning with the sting of rejection.  No one could give me enough love & attention to ease the pain.  I sat bitter listening to others speak of their "hard" life...insert 'tough classes, roommate problems, or simply having a bad day.'  I was angry.  Not just angry, but seething with anger at almost everyone.

When your soul has gone through pain or rejection by a trusted friend or loved one, you begin to take on the flesh of an abused animal by biting at anyone trying to extend a hand.  Even the loving ones. 

That's how bad I hurt.  I wanted everyone in my pathway to know exactly what pain felt like.  I wanted to communicate the deep loss going on inside, which was rooted from a father who broke promise after promise.

Yet, a war was waging inside. 

Part of me wanted to truly let it all out.  The sloppy nose, dripping tears, and guttural moans of a broken heart.  And I honestly thought I was communicating that to my friends. 

But, when I look back now with my mended heart, I can see a girl offering up only a glimpse of the shattered mess.  I can see a girl who thought she was being "open," "honest," "vulnerable," & "real."  Except, in reality, she was telling the story, while backing out the door with a knife waving for her defense...in case they got too close. 

How could I allow people in when the liability of being rejected & hurt was far too great?                            

A heart guarded & padded continued to receive "we regretfully declines, but here's a check" in the mail & wished they sent nothing at all.

Continue Reading on Father Wounds Lay Deep: Part Four

One Year Ago: One Year, A Give Away & Discovering My Daughter

Two Years Ago: Shalom for Supermom

Praying for Little Reese

Ben's first job out of college was in public accounting, where he worked on the audit side.  He only worked there for a year & a half.  This was seven years ago.  While he was there, he made a friend in Rob.  The two of them seemed to suit one another quite well in the way they thought, their humor & love of sports (specifically fantasy baseball). They still manage to get together for lunch a couple times a year to catch up.

The girls & I ran into his wife Bre, & kids.  It was our first time we met their sweet little girl Reese.  What would happen just days after meeting her was an admittance into the hospital, turning into a nine day stay to an airlift to Children's Hospital, due to pressure in the brain.  What followed was an MRI showing a tumor the size of a golfball.  All of this is out of the blue & my mama heart breaks for the hell that Rob & Bre must be going through. 

One could analyze, deduce or get very heady at a time like this. But, honestly, that's not my thing.  I'm simply asking if you would pray for sweet little Reese.  Pray that Jesus holds her in his hands.  Pray that the doctors would be given great wisdom & insight.  Pray for Rob & Bre to be given unsurpassable peace & hope.  Pray that Jesus would heal her & bring his Kingdom to Earth.  Pray that her story is just beginning & she has so much more left to tell.  She goes into surgery tomorrow morning at 10:30 (Pacific time).  Your prayers are coveted. 

Hindsight: Guest Post

I received an email from a fellow blogger friend Ginger.  Interesting how one meets another person & identifies with them; yet, they don't know each other in person, just through the computer screen.  Well, insert Ginger here.  She invited me to share on her blog in a series called, "Hindsight," where we wrote a letter to our younger self. 

This letter is what allowed me to start writing on the part of my story about Father Wounds, so I would be honored for you to hop on over to read more of my story.  And while you're at it, you can read some other lovely ladies who have written letters to their 15, 16 & 17 year old self (more to come in the next week). 

I share my story because...

He turns deserts into gardens, ashes into beauty, and he redeems the most unlikely of stories (read it here).