Weary, and yet there's a miracle inside

 

It's approximately 134 hours into the New Year and I haven't written once.  I've seen my Facebook page flooded with new posts asking to be read, meanwhile, I sit blankly staring into my screen.  With so much hope floating around these days, I can't help but tell you that I have been feeling completely weary.  If there was one word to describe me, it is weary.

You wouldn't think weary should describe my soul, especially when I tell you that we found out in early December that God gave us a miracle in my womb.  This alone should boast of hope & renewed joy.  And yet, my soul has been like that of a monsoon hitting the desert land as it overflows & floods.  There is no place for the water to soak up.  

Can I be honest?  I'm incredibly grateful, and there's that aching of lies that turn the joy & hope sour.  The lies that whisper to me of a hope deferred again.  The waiting for the blood stain picture.  The anticipation, not of holding a baby, but holding another empty womb.  Every twinge, ache makes my heart race.  Too much nausea I get nervous, not enough I think the baby is dead.  

It's just been this week where I let out the news publically, in order to find joy through others joy.  Friends, would you walk with me, share your stories.  You know, the ones filled with hope fulfilled.  Scripture full of truth & life.  Would you sit at my table, it's been rather dull these days as my tastebuds feel bland & my stomach turns.  But, would you remind me of the feast he prepares for us?  Would you share a word, a story that encourages & builds faith?  

Taste & see that the Lord is good...

 

A Year Ago: Tasty Gluten-Free Chocolate Chip Cookies (grain-free)

Two Years Ago: Meyer Lemon-Cranberry Scones & Posole