How Am I Loving You?


There we were on the drive home from Small Group. Silence pervaded & I knew I had said or done something unloving. "Please don't be disappointed. Please don't remind me of how I failed," I thought.

Ben, very lovingly, would let me know how my words were harsh to another person, how it made him feel uncomfortable. I pulled inward with scenes racing through my mind. "Maybe it was him? I can't be perfect like him all the time. Or maybe it was me. I hate being wrong again," went the thoughts swirling.


Today I read from Ann Voskamp. Her words made me think of the killing silence within marriage (any relationship really). It's the one where we run from any confrontation, because the other reacts negatively from the shedding of light. I know it all too well.

I hate to disappoint. But I also have a hard time hearing that I've hurt someone I love, especially when the loved one is telling me of how I did them wrong. I can become defensive. To be faced with our mirror of shame, disgust, & verbal vomit that is so easy to difficult to say the least.

I married a great one, but I take him for granted. I forget to stop and ask him, "How am I loving you well? How can I be loving you better?" I've realized that when I initiate those questions, it takes the ease off of "having a talk." You know the talk. Where you feel like your 10 and your parent is telling you how you did something wrong, and regardless if they reassured their love to you, all you hear is their "disappointment."


I encourage you, wherever you are seated at this table in life, ask yourself, "how am I loving my (insert person) well? How could I be loving them better?" Jesus was not just Teacher, but student of people. He studied people to know them to know how to love them right where it mattered most. I want to love like that.


A Year Ago: Poached Rhubarb