A Longing Heart for Overworked Lungs & Sweat

 

I've been sick.  Sick as in, "Can a cold really be worse than the flu?" sick. 

Body aching, fatigue & incoherent.  Yet, I have thoughts, reflections & lots of posts I want to write about. 

Yet...I have no energy to write them.  I wanted my next post to be about why food is integral to Redeeming the Table; but, there are times when you sit and stare at the computer (for well over an hour) and you tell yourself, "press save and write later."  Only to come back and tell yourself, "press delete and start over with a clean slate."

There's this little world I live in at 6:00 am in the morning about 3xs a week.  It's a little community I have found that I'm smitten about.  I never thought I would come to a day where I longed for "gym time" (insert: heart racing, sweating pouring, muscles aching, is the end near "gym time"). 

Ben's been going for a year and I've officially been there for eight months.  And our sweet "little gym that could," moved back to their old-new location this past Tuesday.  And I'm sad.  Sad, because I've been sick and haven't been able to partake in the beauty of the welcome. Sad, because I was sick last week too.  Sad, because on top of being sick, I'm also giving up Facebook for Lent, which means I am missing even more of this beautiful community bantering back & forth. 

Community is about redemption, and this community has brought me a bit of it in my life.  I still remember my first day with apprehension and butterflies twirling about inside.  I hadn't worked out in a setting like this since, well...high school gym class.  It was hard stuff (still is), but I'm so glad I stuck it out and did it for me. 

Because, when I think about what holds most of us back in life, it's a fear of failure & rejection.  We don't allow ourselves to dream of something better, because this, this current life is all we have ever known and our confidence to venture out into the unknown lies like a deflated balloon. 

What Jogo did for me was build my confidence.  From the coaches to the fellow Jogoers to my amazing friend (& fellow Jogoer) Jordan & to my most wonderful husband.  Little did they know that with their words of encouragement, they blew air into that deflated balloon of a soul in me.  They filled me with a confidence that I could dream of something better.  That I could become something better.  That I deserve something better.

And I am someone better these eight months later. 

We all have those deflated balloons lying around.  How they get blown up is different from one person to the next.  If you're anything like me, I've put up walls of false confidence, only to see deep down that my sensitive spirit fears rejection (so I avoid the areas where I might face rejection).  God gives me people, like the people at my gym, my beautiful fellow mothers, & my family, who blow words of encouragement into my balloon soul. 

Yet, I'm most encouraged when I ask Jesus who he says that I am, which is: 

your beloved

your creation

you love me as I am

you've called me chosen---for your kingdom

unashamed to call me your own (excerpt from a song)

Where in your life do you find those deflated balloons that need encouragement?  Where do you find yourself putting up walls of defense, in order to avoid hurt? 

 

A Year Ago: So Very Good