A Thank You Note
You have been so gracious to me. I have had floods of responses, emails, notes, meals, etc after my miscarriage. Those of you I don't know at all have walked in the door with your words as a warm touch on my shoulder. I am grateful.
I wasn't able to respond to every note or comment, but know...please KNOW, that you are the hands & feet of Jesus to me. Community coming around me in both real life & online.
The week leading up to Relevant was probably one of the hardest. My emotions were raw & bare. I had yet to get my period and any woman knows that in those days leading up can be treacherous. Add in a miscarriage & it's like climbing Mt. Everest barefoot.
Tears that wouldn't stop & feeling like I was in Manhatten, but all alone. Blood came, yet this time it was a cleansing blood. It was life leaving my body, but my womb preparing itself for possible life to come. As the blood flowed, so the turbulence of my emotions hit smooth air. Not all better, but much less rocky.
Going to Relevant allowed me to meet Hyacynth who had gone through her miscarriage at the same time. We never talked about our sorrows there, but I felt a peace simply by looking her in the eyes--like we knew the pit.
My sweet & wonderful roommate Jessica had experienced a miscarriage with her first child years ago. As I had to suddenly leave while the speaker was speaking of almost loosing her child; it was her & Mitzi (my other roommate) who came to check on me.
As I was trying to find Kristin to give her the prize (as she won the giveaway) got to talking. I found out about her miscarriage & her hope fulfilled.
I met Emily in person. To give her a hug, to be free to cry as she did as well that lunch, to not say a word...was salve.
To tell Lisa-Jo that it was her Five Minute Friday that allowed me to write freely of the call confirming growth was gone...meant so much.
Logan who sought me out by asking everyone, "do you know where Kamille--Redeeming the table is?" To give me one of the warmest hugs.
During breakfast & after one of the speakers spoke of losing her baby girl, I got up to be greeted by Rachel. I didn't recognize her in person, but after looking at her blog I did. She was so kind to go out of her way to let me know she had been praying for me.
My loving friends in real life have been SO good to me (ladies you deserve gold medals & you know who you are). My family who has been sitting quietly by. My husband even more.
And yet, I have seen how the whispers of the enemy come knocking at my door. Getting me to believe that which is not true. My sweet friend Nina reminded me of this as I meditate on Philippians 4:8, "whatever is lovely, whatever is pure...whatever is TRUE...meditate on these."
What is true is that life is good.
What is true is that I should not stop allow fear to stop me from trying to conceive again.
What is true is that I serve a good Father.
What is true is that he promises he won't leave me.
These are true. My friends, you have reminded me what is true. You have been the messengers of Jesus saying peace amidst the storm. Thank you. Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for extending kindness & grace. Thank you for just sitting with me, not expecting me to heal quickly. Thank you, thank you, thank you.