Day 16 :: ENFJ the Teacher & INFJ the Counselor
Before you read about these Mentors, make sure you read about the common traits of the Idealists.
Now, one thing I've realized in writing these posts on each type is certain types make it harder to know them, simply because they are reserved or reserved & thinking types. I'm also reminded that not every description fits every aspect of a person's being. As a Teacher (ENFJ), I realize this even more as I get to write about my personality type today. So again, it's always important to look at the overall themes like a large paintbrush stroking across a canvas.
The Idealist Mentors with their Diplomatic Roles
Mentors are the Idealists who prefer a clear agenda or program, the scheduling NFs. They seek to help & encourage others to find who they were created to be & find this to be one of the most satisfying of jobs. They are capable of helping others to develop their mind or mentality, but it is never done in the means of brainwashing or manipulation. These Idealists are far too diplomatic & ethical to allow for such deviousness. Mentors are wanting to what is best for the individual & their key objective is to develop human potential.
On the Teacher within the Mentor Role: Since their key objective is to develop human potential, the Teacher takes on the more expressive, outgoing role. Teachers are able to take charge of about any group of people with creativity & confidence. They are not necessarily "teachers" in the strict sense of the word (yet, they are that as well), but teachers of any learning group. They are teachers within clergy, journalism, therapists, personnel consultants, etc. They have a way of conjuring up or calling forth hidden potential within people. It's important to note that Teachers see themselves more as facilitators & less as instructors, the former holding more on the creative aspects of the Idealist.
On the Counselor within the Mentor Role: Since their key objective is also to develop human potential, the Counselor takes on the more reserved role. Counselors are more private in their style of facilitation of personal growth, but they still work work endlessly & enthusiastically to help their client with an uncanny & gentle means of guiding them. They have this profound insight into others lives; however, not just their lives, but their emotional needs & buried feelings. Counselors keen insight allows them to unpack buried feelings & getting in touch with themselves.
ENFJ the Teacher
These Idealist Teachers have the uncanny ability as natural leaders/teachers that even as young children, they can be seen with a following of other children ready to listen to them. They are the same as adults, exuding this presence that gathers people around them to call forth the learners potential. They have an enthusiasm about them, which adds to their following. Teachers are more rare with about 2% of the population. They don't realize that people will do what they say & look to them for continued advice. It's the draw of their personality & their charisma.
They are outgoing and able to arrange work & social engagements and are very reliable individuals. If they say they are going to be somewhere, they will. If they say they will help, they will, because they honor their commitments. They are able to juggle within complex situations & improvise with skill & gusto. They can change courses as they lead with little to no planning. Keirsey says that an experienced ENFJ leader can dream up endless ideas or activities for groups or people to engage in. With their ease of dreaming up these activities for some Teachers, it is surmounted to a type of genius which other types find hard to emulate.
I know as an ENFJ, that I have found some similarities with the ESFJ, because we both have the ability preside without planning. However, the the ESFJ Guardian acts as a master of ceremonies, the host/hostess with the mostess, attending & looking after each guest. ENFJs value harmonious relations, they handle people with charm & great concern & very popular wherever they go. The difference between the two is ENFJs are not as much social as educational leaders interested in the growth of individuals.
People are Teachers highest priority & they are so good at communicating care & concern. They have a willingness to become involved with others lives; as a result, people are often willing to allow ENFJs to come into their life of troubles & concerns. It's because they are gifted at communicating & showing sincere & genuine interest in their problems. One of the problems with the Teachers ability to help, guide, & empathize is they get over involved. It becomes hard for the ENFJ to separate themselves from the burdens of others, which can then spill over & affect their family. This can even cause them to neglect the needs of their families, but not out of a purposeful neglect. It's because their heart is truly plagued by the turmoil others are dealing with & want to help so badly to solve it.
It is with this ability to feel SO deeply, that they over empathize. They can interject another person's emotions, trials & struggles upon themselves, which can even result in taking on another person's characteristics, emotions or beliefs--even to the point of unconsciously mimicking them. As I mentioned, they become overly burdened by others problems & allowing it to become them, that ENFJs risk losing a sense of their own self & identity. They also tend to over idealize certain relationships. They exalt these relationships, be it husband, wife, mother or father, which leads to a false expectation that the other cannot possibly fill for the ENFJ.
Their ideals can often cut them short within their career. I remember thinking while I was pregnant with my first child, how I never even thought of how hard it would be. I had these ideals in my head of the goodness of it all, because I was gifted with children. Then, when my daughter was born, my world crashed around me with a feeling of despair. My idealism got in the way of the utter reality of becoming a mother. This is true with fellow ENFJs, as they tend to idealize a work scenario, a relationship, etc, only to realize that they are mistaken by their dreams. This isn't to say that the reality is bad, it's just that it can be hard for less developed ENFJs (and even more developed ones).
ENFJs are talented & gregarious communicators. They have a knack to communicate with ease & flow. However, sometimes they take it for granted & think people always understand them. When others do not, they can get hurt & confused, especially when others don't accept what they have to say. They get hurt, because of their highly sensitive nature & need to find belonging. That being said, they are fabulous speakers. They are possibly the most outgoing & expressive of all the types & do not hesitate to communicate their feelings. This is both positive & negative feelings, be it appropriate or not. With practice, Teachers can become "spell-binding orators."
Their "hunches" are typically spot on. When it comes to their use of logic in decision-making, they should leave that to their cousin Rationals. However, when it comes to personal & interpersonal insight, they are spot on. They can read people with uncanny accuracy. They know exactly what is going on in themselves & can spot someone's wrong motive in an instant. They work well cooperatively & in groups. They love feedback & giving feedback. They feel personally responsible with the home life has disorder or chaos.
INFJ the Counselor
Keirsey describes counseling as, "the side of mentoring that focuses on helping people to realize their human potential, and INFJs have an unusually stong desire to contribute to the welfare of others," and they truly enjoy being able to help people along this path. There is little over 1% of INFJs in the population. They are a rare breed (the rarest actually), with an incredible sensitive soul. They are not visible leaders; rather, they work behind the scenes.
Counselors are difficult to get to know with mysterious inner lives. However, their family & friends within their immediate circle see them with their face lighting up & their heart bursting forth. INFJs can take on so much hurt from others, which is one reason why they find it hard to express themselves & are private individuals. The interesting thing about INFJs is people who know them well get surprised by different parts of them coming out that they never knew before. These reserved NFs have this quality composition lying within & just when close friends & family thinks they have heard every note, it's as if the INFJ surprises them. Not only do their inner lives surprise others, but it surprises the INFJ as well.
This quiet, inner world of the INFJ also results in their empathic abilities. Not only that, but their insight into what is unknown & unseen, even to the beholder. They can become aware of another's intentions, good or evil, their emotions before it is conscious. It's like they have psychic abilities, similar to ESP. They can penetrate others feelings so keenly & astutely with such accuracy. This ability is played out in the form of visions, auditory & visual images of things to come.
Counselors have vivid imaginations, which makes sense that they are the most poetic of all types. They are mystical in language & self, which pairs with their ability of using imagery within their language. This poetic language is very complex & aesthetic to be used in writing novels, plays & poems. They are exceptionally skilled at writing in this inner world and masters of metaphorical language. Not just written, but verbal as well. INFJs are noted that they write to a specific person in mind, not just some blank audience.
They fair well in school, are creatively gifted, enjoy problem-solving & take their work seriously. They can also exhibit displays of perfectionism & put more than they need to in a job.
With their originality, insight, personal warmth & enthusiasm towards individuals, Counselors thrive working in ministry, therapy, or any interacting on a personal basis. They work best in one on one scenarios. Although they are reserved, they thrive in occupations that allow them to have interactions with people. Although they need time alone, it's people that they want to work with. They thrive in work environments that are harmonious & personal interactions are not superficial. If anything, they have a strong dislike for cantor & petty talk. They are highly sensitive to others needs. They enjoy helping others with their problems. They value harmony & accord. Their concern for other's feelings is number one on the list when it comes to being an employee or employer. This also allows them to be a barometer of sorts to bring peace to relationships. They need praise & approval and tend to give the same to others, in order to motivate them. However, if they are subject to constant criticism, they easily lose confidence, become unhappy, immobilized & frequently ill.
When it comes to their inner circle & home: They are soft-spoken & cannot put up with interpersonal conflict within their homes & find it destructive to their well-being & their families. The inner circle of friends tends to be small, but long lasting. They are devoted to their spouses, but not always open to sexual approaches. They are typically physically affectionate, but they want to choose when--which confuses their mate. They are devoted parents. For a female, they can develop a kind of "mental symbiosis" sometimes so strong that can be unhealthy for mom & child. More so, they are extremely loving, while firm in discipline.