when living in a life that often seems hurried, sleepless, and scattered at times (sound like a mom with two young children...anyone?), it only makes sense that those few moments of comfort are little simplicities. And as I have been dreaming like crazy about what I want to become when I grow up, or how to become a woman who instills specific virtues or skill sets to my girls...I realize that what I need the most is to simply take rest in seeing who I am created to be.
I have been struggling with wanting to be a mom who sews, or creates her home with aesthetic beauty, or really hits it big with some breakthrough cooking or baking challenge. But as I was telling Ben the other night, "ya know it's not like having a cooking blog is original. It seems like everyone and their mother has a cooking or baking blog, and really not one idea is truly original. Plus, it's as if most of them are just trying to outdo someone else. To become something better. To be defined by it." But you know what, I'm not a virtuoso in the kitchen. I can make a great spaghetti dinner, or a fantastic buttermilk waffles. I'm pretty good at serving my family food that doesn't make them gag. However, I'm not going to be dabbling in gastronomy anytime soon. Nor will I try to woo anyone with a dish that I can hardly pronounce or the cost of the ingredients, which would make a starving person in India shamed.
What I later told Ben was this, "it's hard being someone like me and my giftings, because with food blogs it's something tangible (and that's what I like about baking & cooking, something concrete in my abstract brain) to show & write about. But empathy, it's not like I can say, 'I got empathy and it's AMAZING!' You cannot capture empathy." So as I have done some searching this past week (as my ENFJ person is torn between SO many worlds), I came across this wonderful blog where the author spoke about loving the mother that we are (period). When I see other woman, wives, mothers, and their lives (looking through my idealist lenses) it appears like they have it. They either write with such grace, or they create with amazing flow, or they cook/bake with flawlessness; but, I realized that we don't see their rough drafts, their sewing/crafting scraps or their culinary science explosions. All we get to see is the amazing, because that's what sells (in the peripheral sense of the word).
I know who I am when I am keeping my eyes on Jesus. I am the daughter of the Most High. And this blog is about that journey. It includes food, because I love it and how it brings people together and tears down walls. I love baking, because it gives me a reason to be tangible & hospitable through the giving of my time & resources. It blesses! This blog is about how I find hospitality (the graces & loves) in this world. It's about telling stories, because although I wish I was an avid reader (I aspire to see my picture framed on the library's walls "Most Well Read"), I'm not. I love to tell my daughters stories to inspire their imaginations, to enable them to speak confidently in the classroom of life. And although we read stories from a book, more of them come from retold stories. I'm a dreamer married to a realist. And although I wish he was more of an idealist dreamer at times...I was reminded yesterday how thankful I am that he is not. I hate getting in ruts, but I love getting out of them, because it makes me see life more clearly and fully.
Ben brought me home a PSL & a card yesterday. What is great about my realist ISFJ husband is (I wasn't suppose to know) that he schedules a day every month to do something nice for me, in order to make sure he actually does it versus being spontaneous and it not happening that often. What a treasure!
And with all of that emotional vomit on you, I get to embrace what Ben calls, "The week of Kamille!" I actually don't like the title, but what I do love is what it entails...
Saturday: enjoy Chicken Tortilla Soup, watch a cheesy movie & go shopping with my lovely friend Tina.
Sunday: sing on the worship team at church (I love being able to have this outlet)
Monday-Wednesday: Take a cooking class, which goes beyond the typical community cooking class only teaching on how to make Autumn soups. So exciting as it is from 10-4 with Ben watching the girls.
Thursday: A much needed evening with some of my favorite moms (all without our kids) from our playgroup.